Just BE'ing℠ “me”ssy
Last evening was a small step, and a giant leap. I taught my very first “Spoonful of Just BE’ing℠” session — a gentle taste of asana, pranayama, and yoga nidra practice.
But even as I was wrapping up the class, I felt a little frazzled. Something felt off. Something didn’t feel quite good within me. I found myself questioning everything: Did I teach well? Did the participants enjoy it? What did I miss? What should I have done, not done, or undone?
My mind was unraveling, falling back into a deeply habituated routine. Unable to put a finger on it and feeling exhausted, I decided to sleep on it. It was a good idea in hindsight. Nothing good ever comes from an unyielding mind traveling way past the speed limit.
Yet, when I woke up this morning, the very first thought that popped into my head was the class again. What could I have done better? Pop goes the mind!
As I sat with these thoughts, it suddenly dawned on me: this is what I do every single time I finish something. I question it. I question myself, endlessly worrying, bathed in self-doubt. Each of these mind-bending exercises leaves me exhausted and fragile, driving me to set an even higher standard for myself — if that is even possible. It forces me to continuously climb those never-ending rungs of self-criticism that lead absolutely nowhere.
Just as I felt myself beginning to spiral, something deep inside me willed me to slam on the brakes, coming to a skidding stop. Along with the whiplash came a sudden realization: I have to stop this habitual pattern. This is a samskara — a mental groove deeply interwoven into my psyche by decades of unrelenting practice.
It was my inner child, the one who was forever seeking an approval that never came, and therefore chosing the path of relentless perfectionism. She is the one who constantly put herself down, wondering how she could ever dare to meet her own mile-high standards.
I used to loudly and proudly declare those high standards to the world, little realizing they were wrecking my nervous system. My body was in constant overdrive, forever challenged by the next onslaught of self-doubt and judgment. I couldn’t continue this way. I know better now. I am walking the path of swadhyaya — self-study.
Ironically, the unraveling of my mind after teaching this class was exactly what I needed. It was a quiet nudge, a silent reminder that decades-old habits die hard.
“Self-study is real work. Rewiring your nervous system and undoing ingrained emotional responses is messy. It is me. It is me, "Just BE’ing℠." And yes, it is "me"ssy! How else could it be?”
I could have written this very first blog about the details of the class, what I taught, or what my participants said. I could have started by giving you a polished, academic lecture on the philosophy of "Just BE’ing℠." But that would have been untrue to myself, and untrue to you.
True "Just BE’ing℠" is not easy. It is not smooth, and it is definitely not a straightforward, mapped-out path. There are no GPS directions. It is a winding road with roadblocks, hazards, and erratic fellow drivers who will challenge you and elicit reactions you might regret. Life is a constant messiness, and if you leave it to its own devices, it will live you, rather than the other way around.
But gradually, little by little, we learn.
Deep within us—even if only for a few fleeting milliseconds — we can find that inner peace, that sense of deep calm, that innate awareness of our inner consciousness.
I too am learning, just as you are. I am learning how to simply be. I am on the path to "Just BE’ing℠," and I would love nothing more than for you to join me on this magical, wondrously messy journey.
Join the Conversation
The mind can be a beautifully complex thing, and learning to navigate its habits is a journey we all share in our own unique ways. If you feel comfortable, I would love to hear from you in the comments below:
What is a small way your mind likes to stay busy, and how do you find your own moments to simply pause and "just be”?
Let's embrace the journey of self-discovery together, right where we are — Just BE’ing℠ "me"ssy.